Suddenly, I Became Me!

Welcome to Part 3 of the epic, suspenseful drama that is my life! In the following pages, you shall find the earliest chronicles of my childhood; the unwritten record of my first steps into reality; the vague, hardly memorable and mostly exaggerated events that spurred the life that I have come to know now. I speak, of course, of my first memories.
Now, I won’t lie to you. It was recommended that I share some of the “cuter” things I did as a mischievous littlun, and it is for this reason I feel obliged to share these untouched memories. Oh, how I wish to remember those precious times: my first words, my experiences at children’s church, my new friends, and most notably my attempt to chug an entire can of beer before anyone could stop me. Unfortunately, the latter event wiped my memory of anything prior to that. So, I’ll just move on from there.
My first conscious memories came to me at about the age of four. At this time, my parents both had jobs, so I would go to a sort of daycare center five days a week. There were two daycare centers, if I recall correctly. The first was run by a nice lady named Tina. She had a son who was about my age, and he was probably my best friend there. There were also two older girls there who felt it was their moral obligation to teach me how to tie my shoes. As a robust individual, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to watch Face and Blues Clues, and as far as I was concerned, the TV wasn’t going to turn off just because my shoes were untied. There were also two brothers there who decided their idea of entertainment was to do something and blame it on me. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the means or the vocabulary to properly defend myself, which resulted in a lot of time in the corner. (I’m not a psychiatrist, but this may have contributed to my acute interest in vocabulary terms).
Apart from that, the experience was great. But Tina had to move away, so we found a new daycare lady named Lori. She also had a son who was a little older than me. This boy had a sister whom he named “Sassy”. Thinking back, that probably wasn’t her real name, but that was what I knew her as nonetheless. Now, this experience seemed fine; nobody to annoy me, tattle on me, or even try to teach me trivial shoe-related matters. Life was good… but it didn’t last. Apparently, there was some drama in Lori’s house. One day, exasperated, she decides to send us outside where it’s 105 degrees in the shade. She wasn’t completely heartless, however, because she left us a large pitcher of water on the table. Nevertheless, my parents found out, and I was quickly removed.
Then came ABC Daycare, a promising recreational center. The daycare encouraged an “outdoor experience”, meaning there wasn’t much to do indoors. Out in the playground, however, it was an adventure everyday! With seesaws, swings, and jungle gyms galore, there was always a game to be played. The top favorite? Dodge the hornets, of course! With a nest of stinging insects every five yards, the game becomes a fun yet challenging experience. One nest in particular was located directly above the seesaw, which I’m pretty sure gave me a permanent fear of heights… and anything with a fulcrum.
So, my toddler years were less than reputable, which made me not too keen to start Kindergarten. Fortunately, my elementary years would be among the greatest years of my life. But, for the sake of suspense, I cannot write about it here. So, you’ll just have to wait… Or you could just keep reading. Your choice.