I've decided to try something new here by doing short "isms", experiences in my life that I've either learned from or just found generally hilarious. This'll be the first one up!
So, this goes back to my years as a 4-year old in a daycare center. There were multiple kids, the oldest of which was 7. He was the "cool kid", the one everybody followed. Unfortunately, he never liked me, so I was never really considered "cool", to my ignorant dismay.
So, one day in the back yard, this great leader decided that the best way to entertain himself was to play a harmless little joke on me.
"Hey, kid!" he'd say.
"Yeah?"
"You wanna be cool?" My heart skipped a beat. Did I? YES! I'd love nothing more than to be cool! So, he hands me a broom and points up to the wall. Near the porch light was a large hornet's nest. "Take the broom handle and hit that thing as hard as you can! Think you can do it?"
I didn't know better. All I knew was, this kid said I could be cool. So, I grabbed that broom handle and gazed up at the nest. Mustering up all my strength, I rammed the handle up towards it!
Now God is a powerful deity. With his mighty foreknowledge, he blessed me from birth with horrible hand-eye coordination. So, instead of hitting the nest as I was supposed to, I rammed that handle directly into the porch light, smashing it to pieces! The daycare lady, hearing the crash, races outside to see a group of drop-jawed children backed in a corner and then me, surrounded by broken glass, and holding a broom handle with a heroic grin on my face.
She asked me why on earth I would think to break the porch light. Not holding back, I shouted triumphantly, "That kid told me to do it. Now, I'm cool like everybody else!"
God is good...
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