Ism #7: Not a Good Sign...

I was coming home from college for Easter weekend. As I drove into Tulsa's city limits, I saw an electronic sign that almost made me weep. The sign read: "No delays on US 169 North" ... I'm thinking, how bad does a city's construction have to be to put up a sign that says there is no construction on a road?

Ism #6: Live and Learn

College has been a great experience so far. New friends, new living experiences! And I've definitely learned a lot. I've found that as you make your way through the events and trials of the college life, you can't help but gain an increasing knowledge of vocabulary. For instance, I recently learned that there is a significant difference between "erratic" and "erotic". That made for some interesting conversations... especially concerning questions about my roommate.

Ism #5: That's not a Hat

My first semester of college, I went with a few friends to visit a restaurant downtown. We sat at an outdoor table, where a couple empty water glasses stood next to the chairs. At one point, one of my friends picked up his hat and started wearing it in a goofy fashion. Playing along, another friend picked up a pair of glasses and started wearing them like a hat. Not wanting to feel left out, I tried to find another piece of clothing. Unable to locate one, I decided to settle with the water glass. I turned it upside down, placed it on my head, and immediately realized two things.

1. It wasn't empty.

2. It wasn't a water glass.

That was one scary drive home.

Ism #4: Honesty is a Virtue

2nd Grade. Thanks to a little show I call Blue's Clues, I had a little habit of correcting people, adults or otherwise, whenever I thought they were wrong. This habit had not really become a burden until one fateful school morning...

It was the kickoff assembly for our annual magazine sales! I'm sure most of you remember that wonderful time of the year. The announcer got on the stage to make this trivial child labor routine exciting! When teaching us how to sell in an appealing manner, he adds, "But that might be harder for you than for me. 'Cause you know I'm beautiful. You're all fat." I couldn't take that blatantly false statement sitting down. Standing up on my seat, I puffed up my shoulders and boldly proclaimed, "No, you're fat!"

I'm pretty sure I've never shocked my teacher as much as I had that day...

Ism #3: You Were Talking About Music, Right?

A few weeks ago, I was talking to some of my friends, and we got into a conversation about different singers. My friends were saying stuff like, "You know the singer from Evanescence? Amy Lee? Man, she's hot!"

One of the guys bragged that they met the sister of one of the Barlow Girls, to which I exclaim, "Oh yeah, I love their music!" They all just stared at me blankly. I then remembered that we're all Freshman in college.

Meh... Their music is still awesome!

Simple Literature

You know, I've been hearing lots of comments about the types of books we read. The dominant quote is the following: "Why can't these people speak English and talk in a way everyone can understand?" After some thorough consideration, I have this to say: I couldn't agree more! I mean, what is the point of writing something if those who read it can't comprehend it! I mean, good modern writers should write something that appeals to the simplistic desires of the general public! It's an outrage to write a book if the average man can't even comprehend its meaning!
And during my thorough meditation of this concept, another thought occurred to me. Why stop there? Why should we simply criticize this vast flaw of literature without expanding our boundaries to include the more popular art forms, such as visual artistry! Take this photo for example.

Ophelia

Now, what's up with that? Is that a lady by a tree? Well, I suppose it is! But what's she reaching for? And what's up with those other branches? Gah! There's too much to look at! It's too confusing. I mean, why bother with all that detailed stuff anyway? It doesn't really affect the main theme of the painting as a whole, does it? It's not absolutely necessary. Let's see... as far as I can tell, it's a painting of a lady standing by a tree... oh, and birds. There's birds too. Well, then. How about this?

Simplified!

See? Easy to draw. Easy to understand! Everybody wins! Life's a lot better when it's simple, isn't it? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish reading Macbeth.

Ism #2: Soccer Slam

7th Grade. Every Friday during recess, we would have an all-school soccer game. It was middle school vs. elementary. Seemed easy enough. Unfortunately, the elementary kids outnumbered us 4 to 1. Most of them would huddle in a giant blob around the ball, making it impossible to kick.

So, one Friday, we had yet another match. As usual, the elementary kids huddled around the ball, and none of us could find a way through. I was diligent, however. With all the power I could rally, I pushed my way through the never-ending mass to the ball, getting within 10 feet of it. The mass was unrelenting, and they continued to push me back. My friend Douglas watched from afar, trying to encourage me. Remembering my love for candy, he shouts, “Charlie! Pretend the ball’s made of chocolate!”

Barely a moment passed when one of the older elementary kids got a foot on the ball and booted it up into the air, smacking me dead in the mouth and knocking me to the ground. Roland, witnessing the event, shouts back, “I don’t think he meant for you to eat it!”

I was laughing so hard, everybody thought I was injured.