Ism #9: A Lesson in Handwriting

Do you remember when your teachers in elementary would make you practice handwriting over and over again? Making sure to print the curves exactly right and make each letter the same size. You thought it was a complete waste of time, and you couldn't wait for it to end. Never until now have I respected the importance of this consistency so much.

While I was hanging out with friends at the U-House, my eyes caught a glimpse of a small box by the front desk. The wording of the box went as follows:

"Help the victims of
FORCED PROSTITUTION in OKC
Stay warm this winter
By donating blankets and clothes."

Touching, right? Unfortunately, the size of the letters rendered many of the words illegible. So, unless you had 20/20 vision, about half of the box was completely invisible.

So next time you have a teacher who wants you to practice hard on your handwriting, remember this:

"FORCED PROSTITUTION in OKC
Stay warm this winter..."

Ism #8: Want Fries to Go With That?

Have you ever said something stupid? I'm not talking "Pull my finger!" stupid. I'm talking reputation-destroying your-friends-will-never-look-at-you-the-same-way stupid. The kind of stupid that is followed by immediate regret and an irresistible desire to hide yourself in a closet, living off of any crumbs that come your way until nuclear war/2012/zombies destroy every shred of evidence that the horrific event ever occurred. Ever done something like that?

Yeah, me neither.

But the closest I ever came to it was about a few weeks ago. I was making a late-night run to McDonald's with my friends Bryan, Joey, Corey, and Jake. We were trying to find creative ways to order our food in the drive-thru (we had come up with a few schemes earlier and now wanted to top it). We would blare the song "Touching You" on the radio while one of us sat on the hood of the car rocking out on the guitar. Unfortunately, this latest scheme failed due to lack of guts on our part. With our heads bowed low, we returned from McDonald's with our food feeling--dare I say it--normal.

As we were walking back to the dorm, we discussed different ways we could order our food in the future. Jake suggested, "What if we ordered our food in French?"

Knowing the philosophy of just about everybody who works at fast food, I warned him, "Not if you don't want to get herpes in your food."

As we neared the dorm, Bryan suggested, "What about Koine Greek?"

Not noticing the cute brunette who was now well within earshot of us, I obliviously exclaimed, "That might be worth getting herpes."

On an unrelated note, closet crumbs aren't half bad.

Ism #7: Not a Good Sign...

I was coming home from college for Easter weekend. As I drove into Tulsa's city limits, I saw an electronic sign that almost made me weep. The sign read: "No delays on US 169 North" ... I'm thinking, how bad does a city's construction have to be to put up a sign that says there is no construction on a road?

Ism #6: Live and Learn

College has been a great experience so far. New friends, new living experiences! And I've definitely learned a lot. I've found that as you make your way through the events and trials of the college life, you can't help but gain an increasing knowledge of vocabulary. For instance, I recently learned that there is a significant difference between "erratic" and "erotic". That made for some interesting conversations... especially concerning questions about my roommate.

Ism #5: That's not a Hat

My first semester of college, I went with a few friends to visit a restaurant downtown. We sat at an outdoor table, where a couple empty water glasses stood next to the chairs. At one point, one of my friends picked up his hat and started wearing it in a goofy fashion. Playing along, another friend picked up a pair of glasses and started wearing them like a hat. Not wanting to feel left out, I tried to find another piece of clothing. Unable to locate one, I decided to settle with the water glass. I turned it upside down, placed it on my head, and immediately realized two things.

1. It wasn't empty.

2. It wasn't a water glass.

That was one scary drive home.

Ism #4: Honesty is a Virtue

2nd Grade. Thanks to a little show I call Blue's Clues, I had a little habit of correcting people, adults or otherwise, whenever I thought they were wrong. This habit had not really become a burden until one fateful school morning...

It was the kickoff assembly for our annual magazine sales! I'm sure most of you remember that wonderful time of the year. The announcer got on the stage to make this trivial child labor routine exciting! When teaching us how to sell in an appealing manner, he adds, "But that might be harder for you than for me. 'Cause you know I'm beautiful. You're all fat." I couldn't take that blatantly false statement sitting down. Standing up on my seat, I puffed up my shoulders and boldly proclaimed, "No, you're fat!"

I'm pretty sure I've never shocked my teacher as much as I had that day...

Ism #3: You Were Talking About Music, Right?

A few weeks ago, I was talking to some of my friends, and we got into a conversation about different singers. My friends were saying stuff like, "You know the singer from Evanescence? Amy Lee? Man, she's hot!"

One of the guys bragged that they met the sister of one of the Barlow Girls, to which I exclaim, "Oh yeah, I love their music!" They all just stared at me blankly. I then remembered that we're all Freshman in college.

Meh... Their music is still awesome!